I hate myself.

I just cause problems. Problems follow me everywhere. I wish I could get rid of all these problems plaguing me somehow, someway. Problems always start because of me. I'm just a problem for people. I hate myself for that. All these people shouldn't be having to deal with these things because of me. They shouldn't be suffering because of me. They really deserve better in their lives, but I just keep bringing them down. I wish I really could fix it all somehow. It's not like I cause problems on purpose either. It just comes up somehow because of something I did. It's usually just something stupid I said without thinking. It could be something small, but it'll just blow up in my face. And sometimes, it'll just be a small thing if I'm lucky. I'd be fine if it were just small things, actually. But, no, it's usually a big thing. Sigh. That's just life I guess. Gotta just deal with it all in some way and hope for the best. There's always a silver lining, they say.

Here I am yet again...

I just can't seem to stay away from this...I really don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Anyways, I'm feeling pretty down right now. I hate it. I hate feeling down. I wanna be happy. I like being happy. I know, I know, that sounds stupid. Who wouldn't want to be happy, right? Well, it just makes sense to me. That's all that matters in the end. But yeah, I found out some stuff today that just made me feel pretty damn horrible about myself. It's an awful feeling. I really do feel pretty horrible about it too. And then, I have to deal with some problems right now too. But there's really just one problem I want to focus on right now. It's...just one I want to deal with, really. Otherwise, it's just going to keeping bothering me. But it's so hard to deal with this problem though, it really is. I just don't know how to deal with it really. It's all just so...ugh.

I just don't know what to do.

*sigh*

I'm just so tired these days. Not physically, mind you. More mentally than anything. I feel so isolated these days as well. I just don't know what to do anymore. Ugh. I don't know. Everything just seems so hopeless some days. It's just all so...bluh. Oh well, just gotta deal with it I guess.

I am feeling so fucking miserable right now.

So fucking miserable. I am getting really fucking tired of this shit. It's the same old shit too. Why the fuck do I even bother with it anymore. Why am I even letting it bother me anymore, really. I shouldn't even be paying any attention to it anymore. There's absolutely nothing I can fucking do about it either. I really just need a break from this fucking bullshit. I really do. I am seriously just going to fucking snap if I don't get away from it all soon. Ugh.

I'm feeling kinda down right now...

I was just reading through some old stuff, and it just brought me down. Makes me kinda miss the old days, really. Kinda. It's quite surreal to look through it all really. Seeing my old writings and stuff is just...weird. I was so different back then. I was a lot more serious back then, actually. I kinda regret some of the choices I made now in retrospect. I can probably still make amends, but I just don't know. I don't even know if I really even want to fix any of that either. I'll figure it all out eventually. Hopefully. Well then, until whenever.

Jesus christ, what is my problem.

I just can't fucking do anything right. I just fuck things up so horribly. Why the fuck did I do that for. What the fuck is my problem. Ugh, I feel fucking awful right now. So fucking awful. Oh boy, this is gonna be a fun ass weekend. Apparently got some family coming over sometime this weekend, which is gonna be fucking great. I hate being in this foul ass mood, but I just can't fucking get out of it. No matter how hard I fucking try, it just won't work. I just fucked up. Honestly, what the fuck. Ugh, I am going to be a complete mess for fucking sure. No doubt about it. Oh fucking well, just gotta deal with the shit that life tosses ya. Even when I don't wanna deal with it.

I'm feeling extremely frustrated right now.

Well, actually. More than just frustrated. I'm feeling a shitload of stuff right now. Too much to bother listing them all, really. It fucking sucks. Horribly so. I fucking hate when this happens to me. I already know I'm going to be a complete fucking wreck if I don't deal with this shit soon. I really don't want to end up being a complete wreck again. No. Never again. That's just an awful feeling. I really need to deal with this shit now. Figure this shit out. Figure out how to solve my problem(s). I don't know what to do, though. That's the problem. Ugh, what a fucking mess I've gotten myself into. I feel so fucking horrible. I've been feeling pretty fucking horrible, actually. Ugh, just thinking about it just makes me feel worse. Why the fuck. Just. Ugh.